October 28, 2010

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #8

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#8. Love is the ribbon that ties patience, empathy, acceptance, compassion, encouragement, forgiveness, and understanding all together.

Love is not a feeling - it is an action.

Love does not just occur or present itself - it takes effort.

Love is not a noun - it is a verb!

Your child will not just feel loved because you say you love him.

He must feel it through your actions.

This may take the form of a hug, a smile, or a kiss; but it takes some action before love can be experienced.

It will do your child no good to talk about how much you love him if he does not experience your love through your actions.

All else pales in comparison to a child feeling loved.

Children need this love above anything else.

The practice of love is difficult.

The process of expressing love is displayed through the actions of showing patience, connecting in empathy, providing acceptance, approaching with compassion, offering encouragement, showering with forgiveness, and seeking to truly understand your child.


Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

October 27, 2010

Keeping The Promise: The Critical Need for Post-Adoption Services to Enable Children and Families to Succeed

Alabama is one of the few states that provide adoption support!

http://click.icptrack.com/icp/relay.php?r=22665321&msgid=477752&act=U6ZJ&c=140168&destination=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.adoptioninstitute.org%2Fresearch%2F2010_10_promises.php

October 26, 2010

Expanded Adoption Credit

IRS Offers Guidance on Expanded Adoption Credit

Washington, D.C. (September 29, 2010)
By WebCPA Staff

The Internal Revenue Service has released guidance on the expanded adoption credit that is available for tax year 2010 as a result of the Affordable Care Act, along with a draft version of the form that taxpayers will use to claim it.

The Affordable Care Act raises the maximum adoption credit to $13,170 per child, up from $12,150 in 2009. It also makes the credit refundable, meaning that eligible taxpayers can get it even if they owe no tax for that year. In general, the credit is based on the reasonable and necessary expenses related to a legal adoption, including adoption fees, court costs, attorney’s fees and travel expenses. Income limits and other special rules apply.

In addition to filling out Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses, eligible taxpayers must include with their 2010 tax returns one or more adoption-related documents, detailed in the guidance issued today. The documentation requirements, designed to ensure that taxpayers properly claim the credit, mean that taxpayers claiming the credit will have to file paper tax returns. Normally, it takes six to eight weeks to get a refund claimed on a complete and accurate paper return where all required documents are attached. The IRS encourages taxpayers to use direct deposit to speed their refund.

Taxpayers claiming the credit will still be able to use IRS Free File to prepare their returns, but the returns must be printed out and sent to the IRS, along with all the required documentation.

October 25, 2010

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #7

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#7. Understanding our children means perceiving precisely what they mean rather than assuming an ulterior motive.

It means being sympathetic toward their point of view.

Most parenting theories fail to teach parents the necessity of understanding.

This failure is not in the parents themselves, but in what they have been taught.

This teaching began with the parent's parents and their parents before them.

Along the way, in all of the confusion, some have been led even further astray by misinformed therapists who themselves had received much the same form of parenting.

This problem runs rampant in our society.

We have been directed to look outside of ourselves for solutions, but in doing so we miss the single greatest solution to almost any conflict, which is simply understanding the situation from the other person's perspective.

It is often difficult to understand the behavior of a child because we fail to understand our own reactions first.

Generally, misbehavior, if not interpreted correctly, will lead to a parental feeling of fear, which will give way to guilt or blame, and in some instances, a deeper sense of shame.

When this occurs the parent has already stepped out of range of understanding her child.

The primary key to understanding your child is in your perception of her behavior.

Parents are often so intent on believing that children are inherently disobedient, that they fail to see the true emotions driving their children's behavior.

Most often, it is not about disobedience at all.

It is the presence of fear that causes the adverse behavior.

If a parent will look beneath the behavior to the underlying fear of the child, she will be better able to approach her child with an attitude of understanding.



Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

October 18, 2010

The Impact of Oxytocin on Children's Behavior

This is a pretty cool webinar on how the hormone Oxytocin impacts your child's behavior. I encourage you to check it out here!

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #6

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#6 Forgiveness of self forms the foundation for love and forgiveness of others.

In my work with families I encounter all of the time parents who have experienced deep pain during childhood at the hands of their own parents, and the first thing they generally say is, "Oh I have forgiven my parents."

Without a doubt when I hear this question I sense deeply within myself an individual who has not fully embraced the understanding of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a process of self-awareness and self-acceptance, which allows us to see our actions both positive and negative and take responsibility for them as opposed to feeling blamed, which leads to guilt.

In other words, it is the human condition to blame ourselves for all things negative.

Regrettably this takes the place in the form of shaming, and denial of ones feelings, and a building up of a sense of ones lack of worth.

The abused child comes to believe that they are the reason for the abuse.

If only they could behave better.

The abused child as an adult comes to deny the feeling of not being good enough and reinforces this negative self-picture with a misconception of forgiving her parents.

In fact, this only fosters her sense of shame and denial.

Rather, the adult must come to the deeply emotional awakening that she must forgive herself for the years spent devaluing, blaming, and shaming her beautiful self.

Until we can forgive ourselves we cannot forgive others fully.

All else becomes face value, simply surface.

For parents in their interaction with their own children it is essential to see their own inherent parental shortcomings.

We must strive to do the best that we can but also realize we will make mistakes as our parents also made mistakes.

When the mistakes occur, as surely they will, we must first forgive ourselves for our imperfections and then seek forgiveness from our children.

Forgiveness should also come with the promise and effort to do better next time.

As God forgives us so should we forgive ourselves and seek forgiveness from others.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

October 8, 2010

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #5

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#5. Encouragement is an aspect of our relationship with
our children that we simply cannot do enough.

Have you ever had the experience as an adult of wanting
to do something new?

Maybe you were considering a new job or a major purchase,
but were feeling unsure.

What did you need?

What did you eventually receive?

Ultimately, when life presents us with a challenge,
the sheer magnitude of the fear we create can lead
us to fall back and not make an effort.

For children, this experience happens daily.

Simply the effort to work on a homework assignment
alone can present an enormous degree of fear for a child.

Imagine the significance of a simple, "You can do it,
I have faith in you," for a child when facing a life obstacle.

As we encourage our children in daily life experiences
we are endowing them with a deep sense of their
ability to trust themselves in the endeavors they pursue.

As a child growing up I can recall, with the greatest sensation
of love, never an ill word spoken towards my endeavors.

From seven years of age when I wanted to start a lemonade
stand on the corner block, to an adult when I desire to build
a fortress for family healing, nothing but loving support.

Encouragement is one of the purest blessings we can ever
bestow upon our children.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy
"There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

October 5, 2010

Preparing Siblings for Adoption

There is a great article today on the "Creating a Family" website. Here is an excerpt from the article. "The addition of a child changes the family dynamics for everyone and especially for the children already in the home. This is the case regardless how the new child enters the family, but adoption throws in an added wrinkle. The adopted child may not be a newborn, the child may have established habits and behaviors that complicate sibling relationships, and the child may be of a different race. Plus, there are fewer resources available to help with this transition. And let’s face it: adoption isn’t the norm, so you and your existing children often have more explaining to do." Check out the article here.