The Adoption Place

New Children's Aid Society Blog

2012-01-05T11:25:00.000-06:00

Children's Aid Society has a new blog!

"The Adoption Place" will no longer be updated as we will now be posting on the "Children's Aid Society" blog site. Please follow us on the new blog where you will find current CAS/APAC happenings as well as interesting articles and information. You also have the option of subscribing by email on our new blog site.

You can also follow CAS on Facebook and Twitter!

Thanks for joining us!

Expecting the Unexpected

2012-01-04T09:22:00.003-06:00

"Parents of newborns, whether through adoption or birth, can follow a mostly predictable pattern. When the baby cries, he's hungry, needs a new diaper, or is tired. If in doubt about a child-rearing point, parents can turn to countless books and websites, as well as family and friends. And each time they meet their child's need, parents reinforce a mutual attachment.

What happens, then, to children whose needs are not consistently met in their early months and years?

They become survivors, and they're pretty amazing for it."

This is an excerpt from an article entitled, "Expecting the Unexpected", that discusses some surprising behaviors, and parenting techniques to cope with those behaviors, that you may encounter when adopting a toddler or older child. Check it out here.

Protecting our Children From Sexual Predators!

2011-12-27T10:00:00.000-06:00

This article outlines how to protect your children from predators who engage in "grooming," which refers to deliberate actions aimed at befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child. Check it out here to learn how to protect your child.

Is It Really Possible to Love an Adopted Child as Much as a Biological Child?

2011-12-20T10:00:00.000-06:00

Check out this article on the Creating a Family blog about loving an adopted child as much as a biological child.

Overuse of Psychiatric Drugs for US Foster Children

2011-12-13T10:00:00.002-06:00

ABC News has conducted a study regarding the use of psychiatric drugs for children in the US foster care system. In the five states that they studied they found that more than one-fourth of foster children were prescribed at least one psychiatric drug. Foster children were also more than nine times more likely than non-foster children to be prescribed drugs for which there was no FDA-recommended dose for their age. Check out the article here for more information on this study.

Talking Matters

2011-12-06T10:00:00.000-06:00

Here is another article regarding talking to your child about adoption. It covers the importance of talking about adoption, when to talk about it, how to start the conversation, and many other tips. Check it out here!

Adoptive Families' 2011 Holiday Gift Guide

2011-11-29T10:18:00.000-06:00

Have you started your Christmas shopping yet?? Adoptive Families magazine has complied a list of online stores that sell adoption memorabilia including Lifebooks, jewelry, children's books and a whole host of other gifts. Check out the link here and find some great holiday gift ideas for the adoptive families in your life!

Keeping the Peace

2011-11-22T10:00:00.000-06:00

Holidays can be extremely stressful for every one of us! They can be especially challenging for many adopted children due to difficulties with emotional regulation. Check out this article for advice on how to minimize meltdowns and stress for your child this holiday season.

Surviving a Winding Road

2011-11-15T10:43:00.000-06:00

The process of adoption is full of ups and downs and has its fair share of challenges. This article discusses how to survive the long process of becoming an adoptive parent. Check it out here.

Labeling Kids - How Much To Share And With Whom

2011-11-08T10:00:00.000-06:00

Adoptive and foster parents are often faced with the question, "how much of my child's story do I share and with whom?" It's a hard question that is going to vary from child to child. Dawn at Creating a Family has some interesting insight regarding how much to share. Check out her story here and some additional insight here. What do you think? What has your experience been with sharing your child's story?

National Adoption Month!!

2011-11-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

November is National Adoption Month!! Give an adoptive parent a hug today! :)

Laughter, Bonding and Adopting Older Children

2011-10-27T10:00:00.000-05:00

Here is an excerpt from an article by Pat O'Brien about bonding with the older adopted child:

"Young people simply assume at placement that it is a matter of time before they will be rejected yet again and ultimately kicked out of this new household. The newly placed youth usually proceeds cautiously to protect him or herself from the expected rejection he or she believes will occur soon by staying somewhat detached from the new family and by resisting getting close to the new family.

How can adoptive parents of teens and pre-teens prove they are worth bonding to? Well, having been involved in nearly a thousand placements of children during my 20-year career I can think of no better answer than shared laughter."

To learn more about how laughter can help with attachment and bonding, check out the article here.

Making Peace with Missing Information

2011-10-25T10:00:00.000-05:00

Many times parents do not have all of the answers that our children might have about their adoption, birth parents, and history. This article discusses how to handle the questions that you don't have answers for and how to make peace with the absence of information yourself. You can find the article here.

How to Help Your Child

2011-10-20T10:10:00.000-05:00

Check out this video series called "How to Help Your Child" by Bryan Post. He discusses the best way to help your adopted or foster child who is struggling with emotional and behavioral problems.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Helping Children Grieve

2011-10-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

Children who are in foster care or who have been adopted have all experienced many losses. Loss of birth parents and siblings, loss of friends, schools, pets, toys, stability, control, etc. Because they have experienced many losses, they must go through the grieving process in order to heal. This article talks about how to help your child that is grieving. It is not written specifically about children in foster care or adoption, but it has some great suggestions to help you understand what your child is experiencing and how to help them heal. Check it out here.

2011-10-14T09:30:00.000-05:00

APAC offers opportunities for families and professionals to increase their knowledge of permanency related subjects. Educational Training services are available to all adoptive families, all foster families, all professionals serving adoptive and foster families, kinship care families, and DHR waiting families.

To schedule a presentation for your group or organization, complete our training contact form.

Upcoming Statewide Trainings
How To Create Healing for Adopted Children
APAC is proud to present this free one-day training for professionals serving adopted children. The dynamic practice of love-based therapy and parenting diminishes behaviors, prevents disruptions, and builds strong, lasting adoption placements.

Training Highlights:
- Impact of stress and trauma on the developing brain.
- Combatting challenges of adoption.
- Preventing adoption disruption.
- Helping children take responsibility.
- Family-centered treatment with attachment challenged children.
- Creating a therapeutic environment for children who have experienced early life trauma.
- Assimilating connections to trauma for all family members.

Continuing Education Credits
5.5 CEUs for LPC and Social Workers

Schedule
8:30am: Registration
9am-4pm: Training
lunch on your own

•Monday, November 7
Weatherly Heights Baptist Church
1306 Cannstatt Drive
Huntsville, AL 35803

•Tuesday, November 8
Church at Brook Hills Student Center
3145 Brook Highland Parkway
Birmingham AL, 35242

•Wednesday, November 9
Alabama Public Library Service
6030 Monticello Drive
Montgomery, Alabama 36130

•Thursday, November 10
Mobile County Department of Human Resources
3103 Airport Blvd, Room 601
Mobile, AL 36633

To Register, go to www.childrensaid.org

Talking With Children About Adoption

2011-10-13T09:22:00.000-05:00

The Center For Adoption Support and Education (C.A.S.E.) is offering a webinar again on "Talking With Children About Adoption". "Parents often lack confidence when it comes to discussing adoption with their children. This webinar teaches parents what children think and feel about adoption at different developmental stages and how to share their child's adoption story. Ms. Singer will address participants' specific concerns and questions regarding "what, when and how" to share difficult/sensitive information as well as how to respond to children's questions. Participants will learn how to initiate comfortable communication with children who do not ask questions. Learn about 52 Ways to Talk about Adoption, a new game C.A.S.E. created to facilitate family discussion of adoption."

Check out the link here for more information and to sign up.

The 2011 Adoption Guide

2011-10-11T10:42:00.000-05:00

Here is a link to the 2011 Adoption Guide. It is a great resource for families that are just getting started in the adoption process. You can download the entire resource for free through this website!

My Forever Family

2011-10-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

Song written by Tommy Byrd and Ande Rasmussen

In my life I've
Never known
Where it is
That I belong
Maybe you could
Be that place for me
This I wish
This I pray
This I hope
And dream some day
I will find my forever
Family

Chorus
Take a look at me
There's so much to see
Who I am and all I can be
You can't change the world
But you can change mine for me
Take a look in your heart and see
If there's a place there for me
Could we be a forever family
Could we be a forever family

A day becomes
A week so fast
And Soon another
Year has passed
And I'm still here
Waiting hopefully
Someday soon
I just know
Like the dream
I can't let go
I will find my forever
Family

Chorus Repeats

In my life I've
Never known
Where it is
That I belong
Maybe you could
Be that place for me
This I wish
This I pray
This I hope
And dream some day
I will find my forever
Forever Family

Check out this website to listen to the song and this website to read more about the song.

Human Connections Start With A Friendly Touch

2011-10-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

This is a really neat article about how friendly touch can help build feelings of trust and form connections with other people. A word of caution though, do be aware of what YOUR child considers friendly touch. Some children who have been abused do not like being touched in any way. Know what YOUR child needs. Check it out here.

Improving your Child's Behavior...Permanently

2011-09-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

This is an easy parenting technique from the Complete Connection Parenting website to help improve children's listening skills. Check it out here.

Helping Parents Comprehend Potential for Suicide

2011-09-28T13:58:00.003-05:00

The following Webinar is provided by Well Aware:

GUIDING LIGHT: Helping parents comprehend potential for suicide in their children 

An experienced elementary-level teacher with a master’s degree in education and "tons of psychology courses," Wisconsin educator Lynda Larson was still unable to recognize early signs of mental illness in her fifth-grade son Adam, the eldest of her three children. "I remember the principal in my elementary school had a whole lot of background on troubled adolescents," recalls Lynda, with the clarity of hindsight. "He spoke to me about Adam and the signs he saw for potential trouble later. He even put an EAP (employee assistance program) slip in my mailbox at school." Lynda saw her former boss nine years later, after her son had dropped out of high school and endured years of substance abuse. He ended his own life on April 22, 1992, at age 20. "I told my former principal, ‘You saw this coming a long time ago, didn’t you?’ But as parents, we didn’t accept it at the time. He was our first child. We didn’t accept the message right away."
- AS REPORTED IN THE JANUARY 2006 ISSUE OF ADVANCING SUICIDE PREVENTION MAGAZINE

It’s among the most horrific thoughts a parent can have—their own child dying by suicide. So it’s no wonder that parents of at-risk youth may have trouble accepting that their son or daughter may have the capacity to kill themselves. 

 While teachers, relatives or clergy members may recognize risk for suicide in a child, parents may be unable to see this. “The parents are in denial” may be how others see it, but from a parent’s perspective, facing the fact that your child could be suicidal is more than many parents can emotionally bear. 

 “We know psychiatric illness runs in families. There’s also a lot of resistance to addressing it, to treatment within the general population,” says the esteemed David Shaffer, M.D., professor psychiatry and pediatrics at Columbia University and an international expert in youth suicide prevention. “A parent may think, ‘I haven’t seen it with my own eyes’.” 

 There are many reasons parents may be unable to comprehend potential for suicide in their children. And others—teachers, pediatricians, police officers, community members—need to understand these barriers parents face in order to help at-risk children. 

 In this groundbreaking webinar, we are pleased to present Donna Holland Barnes, Ph.D., suicidology researcher, educator, author, parent and suicide loss survivor.   Also joining Dr. Barnes is Raymond Zablotny, M.D., physician, psychiatrist—and father of a son who died by suicide. Together, Dr. Barnes and Dr. Zablotny bring their unique perspectives to consider how others can help parents “hear” that their child might be at risk for suicide. 

Tuesday, Oct. 18th, 2011

2-3:30 PM Central

Click here to register.

Helping Your Child Say Goodbye

2011-09-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

Here is another great article on how to help your child transition into your adoptive home. This article contains suggestions on how to maintain connections with your child's past, including with their foster and/or birth parents, how to discuss with your child the confusing emotions they are probably feeling, and many other helpful suggestions. Check it out here.

Talking With Teachers

2011-09-21T12:50:00.001-05:00

School has already been back in session for over a month now!! This time of year all families are faced with challenges as their children head back to school and adoptive families can be faced with additional challenges. Adoptive families have to decide how much they want to tell the teacher about their child's adoption and children are being faced with questions from peers about their adoptions. This is a great article that talks about what should be discussed in a parent teacher meeting regarding adoption. Check it out here.

The Great Back-to-School Kit

2011-09-19T13:00:00.000-05:00

Here is an article from Adoptive Families with "17 simple and effective ways to bring adoption into the classroom." Check it out here!

Is It An Adoption Thing?

2011-09-14T09:44:00.004-05:00

I get asked the question a lot, "Is this an adoption thing or is it a typically developing child thing?" It is hard for parents to know what challenging behaviors are developmentally appropriate and what behaviors are related to their child's adoption history. "Is It An Adoption Thing", a webinar offered by Adoption Learning Partners, will discuss common challenging behaviors adopted children may exhibit at each developmental stage, offer real life examples and suggestions for handling these behaviors and examine effective and ineffective parenting tools. For more information or to register go to Adoption Learning Partners.

Free Webinar!!

2011-08-31T09:34:00.002-05:00

The Post Institute is offering a free webinar for all foster and adoptive parents called "Stress Model 101". It will be offered on three different dates next week.

This webinar will provide you with the understanding and guidance to change your family dynamics and to help your life go from chaos to peace and healing.

If you are involved in the life of a child with a diagnosis and/or behaviors such as these listed below, this webinar is for you!

ADHD
School Challenges
Depression
Social Problems
Anxiety
Sibling Rivilry
Bi-Polar
Lying
Autism
Stealing
Aspergers
Hording
RAD
Gorging
PTSD
Aggression
ODD
Disturbed Sleep
OCD

For more information or to register, click on the link here!

Helping Your Foster Child Transition to Your Adopted Child

2011-08-24T15:25:00.002-05:00

This is a great article with great suggestions about how to help a child in foster care understand the transition to an adoptive home. Check it out here!

Exciting Photography Resource for Adoptive Families!

2011-08-01T14:58:00.009-05:00

S. Stephens Photography is dedicated to helping new adoptive families in the Wiregrass area capture moments together as a family. She offers a FREE photography session within the first 30 days after bringing your child home. Here is an excerpt from her website...

"I have a heart for adoption and love to meet families who have been united through adoption. It is an honor to see children and families united through adoption. My husband and I have adopted twice and both times were unique and so special. Because of this, I offer 2 complimentary sessions. A Coming Home Session and a Welcome Home Session.

{COMING HOME} I will meet you and your family at the airport or home and document your child(ren)'s arrival home. Airport arrivals are often so special as you are greeted with family and friends who wait anxiously to welcome your child home. If your family is waiting for you at home, I will be glad to meet you there as well. You tell me where to go and I will be there. It is such an honor be involved in these homecomings! Simply contact me with your arrival date and details and I will meet you there! If your arrival date is unknown, like our second adoption, simply let me know the situation and keep me updated.

{WELCOME HOME} This session is your choice...can be the child alone, with siblings or family. This is a one hour session, on location and must be scheduled within your child's first 30 days home."

For more information or to schedule a photography session, check out her website here!

Houston County Book Bag Drive

2011-06-09T12:19:00.002-05:00

The following message was passed on to me and I wanted to share with anyone who is interested in helping in the Dothan area...

"Houston County Book Bag Drive! This is our eighth year organizing and collecting NEW book bags for school age children in foster care in Houston County. We are in need of your help! Between now and June 30th we need to collect 100 book bags for elementary, middle school, and high school ages. Book bags collected will be given to Houston County DHR and social workers will distribute to the foster families and children. Children don't get to choose the world into which they are born. If it's a world filled with poverty, neglect and or abuse of any kind it is the children who suffer. Feeling poorly about themselves they have little or no confidence and self esteem. We want to help these 100 children to feel good about themselves by providing new book bags! It is proven that when children are even with their peers they make better grades and do better in class. Drop off your book bags at Cake in A Cup and receive a free cupcake per donated book bag. Cake in A Cup is located on Hwy 52 on your left behind Lowes. If you need someone to pick up book bags call Rare Quality Models & Talent 671-2200. Thank you!"

And the Winner Is...

2011-06-01T11:53:00.001-05:00

The winner of our "Happy Foster Care Awareness Month" drawing is...Shannon and Eddie Staggs!

Shannon says, "My favorite part of being a foster parent is planting a seed within each child that comes to us, to know they are loved and created for a purpose by an awesome God. To work with the birth families toward reunification and know that you can be a resource to them even after the family is reunited!"

You have won our drawing for a $25 Outback gift certificate!

**Winner was chosen by assigning numbers to each entry, in order of entry and choosing a random number with Randomizer.**

Adopted Teen Bowling Event

2011-05-20T08:46:00.002-05:00

Teen Bowling Extravaganza
For Adopted Teens

Ages 14-18

Drop off your teen for a night of food, socialization, and bowling! Your teen will be able to interact with other adoptees while engaging in social skills games and bowling!

Wednesday, June 15

5:30-7:30pm

Brunswick Woodmere Lanes, Montgomery AL

RSVP by June 10 to jsexton@childrensaid.org or call 334-409-9477

The Flagship Theatre Summer Theatre Scholarship

2011-05-10T09:32:00.004-05:00

This opportunity is available for families located in the Dothan area...

"The Flagship Theatre is offering scholarships to children associated with Alabama Pre/Post Adoption Connections. One scholarship will be awarded for each of the 8 camps for Summer 2011. Children ages 4-18 years old are encouraged to participate.

You can see the camps for your age group listed on The Flagship Theatre website. Only those serious about theatre need apply.

The scholarship will be awarded on a first come first served basis. So call right away for more details.

I look forward to seeing your children on stage this Summer. We will be doing the country version of Cinderella called Cinderelly!"

Thank you,
Sharon Lewis-Saliba
Artistic Director of
The Flagship Theatre
965 Woodland Drive
Dothan, AL 36301
334 699-FLAG 3524 or 701-5449

Scholarship Opportunity

2011-05-05T10:35:00.003-05:00

Below is information about a college scholarship opportunity.

"Opportunity for two possible scholarships through UMPS Care Charities! Mr. Lee Ross along with the Dave Thomas Foundation is leading this effort and has indicated the desire to identify an Alabama youth for one of the scholarships. The scholarships may be used for either undergraduate or graduate education and are for one- or two-year institutions will range from $2,000 - $5,000 and scholarships for four-year institutions will total $10,000. The criteria for apply includes a child in or who has been in the foster care system and who is over the age of 12 years old. The application is relatively easy to complete.

Click here for the application.

All applications must be post marked by May 10th to be included in considerations. Because of the short turnaround time, completed applications may be emailed to Mr. Lee Ross via email at lross@slatexp.com

Please assist and encourage your college bound youth to make an application as this is a very generous offer."

Happy Foster Care Awareness Month!!

2011-05-02T16:10:00.002-05:00

May is Foster Care Awareness Month and we want to thank all of our foster parents out there!

To show our appreciation to all of Alabama's foster families, APAC encourages you to leave a comment about your favorite part of being a foster parent! If you leave a comment, you will be entered in a drawing to win a $25 Gift Certificate to Outback Steakhouse.

We appreciate each of you and love working with the adoptive and foster families in Alabama!

Sincerely,
Jill, Lisa, Kai, Michael and Jennifer
Alabama Pre/Post Adoption Connections

When Your Child Gets Teased

2011-04-13T15:51:00.002-05:00

The following information is from Love and Logic Institute, Inc...

Does teasing end when kids graduate from elementary school? Does it stop when they move on from middle to high school? Does it magically disappear when we become adults? Or is it sadly true that most of us will encounter bullies throughout our lifetimes?

Because we can't ensure that the world will always be sweet and kind to our kids, common sense tells us that we ought to equip them with skills that allow them to cope with this sometimes less-than-considerate world. Listed below are some quick tips:

- Teach them that bullies get their power from our negative emotions. The more upset we get when picked on, the more powerful mean kids feel.

- Show your child how to trick bullies by pretending to be calm. If our children can learn to act calm when bullies hassle them, they become far less attractive targets.

- Teach your child to confuse or bewilder bullies by responding to verbal taunts with replies like, "Thanks for noticing" or "I appreciate the feedback."

Help your child develop great social skills so that they are liked, accepted, and protected by positive peers. Kids who don't know how to relate in healthy ways often find themselves gravitating toward peers who treat them poorly.

Dr. Charles Fay

**For more resources on how to teach your child to cope with Bullying, contact your regional APAC office!

Scholarships!

2011-04-11T08:46:00.003-05:00

Below are the links to two scholarship venues for older youth adopted from foster care, supported by the Dave Thomas Foundation – the first is in partnership with Capital One and Children’s Action Network, and the second is in partnership with SlateXP and Umps Care Charities. Neither is deep with funding, so scholarships are limited, but they are at least additional opportunities for these youth!

Capital One Fostering a Future, a scholarship opportunity sponsored by Children’s Action Network and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Click here for more information.

Umps Care Charities All-Star Scholarship, sponsored by Umps Care Charities, Slate XP and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Click here for more information.

Adoptive Family Easter Egg Hunt!!

2011-04-04T15:55:00.012-05:00

It's time for our 4th Annual Adoptive Family Egg Hunt! Bring your family and have a hopping good time! Come mix and mingle with adoptive families, while the children enjoy hunting for candy filled eggs, Easter games, crafts and snacks!

Meeting this Saturday, April 9!

Join us in Montgomery at Lagoon Park, Pavillions 4 & 5, 2635 Gunter Park, Montgomery, AL 36114, (next to Pete Peterson Park) from 10:00AM until 11:30AM

or Join us in Auburn at Parkway Baptist Church, 766 East University Drive, Auburn, AL 36830, from 2:00PM until 3:30PM

RSVP before April 7 by calling 334.409.9477 or emailing jhudson@childrensaid.org

How to End Lying, Stealing and Defiance Across the Ages

2011-03-28T11:05:00.001-05:00

Here is information on a free webinar hosted by The Post Institute that you might be interested in...

"Are you dealing with a child or teen displaying these behaviors?
Find yourself frustrated and/or losing HOPE or know someone who is?
Then pass this email on and/or join us and let this 2 part webinar series, renew your hope! There is hope and there are answers!

I am Helene Messina-Timpone, LCSW an internationally recognized therapist, speaker and coach as well as an adoptive parent. After creating transformation and peace in my home I have been honored in assisting many other families obtain the same in their homes. For a fresh perspective I have invited a very special guest Gail White MD, who will share her own recent and personal struggles, experiences and successes as a mom dealing with these same behaviors with her internationally adopted child.

Together we will explore and discover why this behavior occurs and how to heal what is beneath these behaviors. Best of all you will learn clear step by step strategies for eliminating lying, stealing and defiance. Also, included are the 3 most effective strategies that assist your child in healing what exists beneath the surface.

Certificates and/or CEU's will be available upon request by emailing greatbehaviorbreakdown@gmail.com. you must attend both sessions and will need to allow 2 weeks for receipt of the information

This Webinar is held on the following dates:
Mar 30, 2011 9:00 PM - 10:30 PM EDT
Apr 13, 2011 9:00 PM - 10:30 PM EDT

Register Now at:
http://www.postinstitute.com/workshops/webinar/"

Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents

2011-03-21T11:08:00.001-05:00

Most of the articles that we post on here deal with the adoptive child but this article talks specifically about the issues that adoptive parents face. Check it out here!

Discipline in Older-Child Adoption

2011-03-17T10:54:00.002-05:00

This is a great article with specific and concrete ways to discipline a child to help build a trusting relationship with the adoptive parents. Check it out here!

What you need to know about child traumatic stress and how the stages of child development make a difference in dealing with it.

2011-03-04T11:55:00.000-06:00

http://www.nctsn.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/edu_materials/Understanding_Child_Traumatic_Stress_Brochure_9-29-05.pdf

When Senses Don't Make Sense

2011-02-02T16:24:00.002-06:00

"Children who have Sensory Processing Disorder have trouble interpreting touch, sound, smell, and other sensory input. What's a parent to do when a trip to the supermarket, a day at the playground--even a meal or a bedtime cuddle--overloads your child's senses?" This article from Adoptive Families discusses Sensory Processing Disorder and how it effects many of our children. I encourage you to check it out here.

Arguing with Kids is Like Trying to Talk Sense into an Angry Dog

2011-02-02T14:13:00.000-06:00

Taken from an email from Love and Logic Parenting:

Have you ever had a successful debate with a rabid dog? I tried it once. It didn't go very well:

Fido [biting my leg]: Grrrr

Me: Now Fido, if you keep this up, there will be serious conseq - ow!

Fido [sinking teeth deeper]: Grrrr

Me: Don't you take that tone with me, mister! You are only hurting yourself with these bad choices you're making…

As humans, our miraculous brains can outperform Fido's before our first birthday. Our brains can do things dogs can't - such as complex reasoning and making wise decisions - as long as we are calm.

Unfortunately, when we are very upset, our brains switch to the part that is not much better at thinking than Fido's dog brain.

So, when we try to lecture or reason with an angry kid, we'll probably be as successful as we'd be with a rabid canine. Like Fido, upset kids are unlikely to stop mid-rage and suddenly be swayed by our wise and compelling words.

Wise adults take better care of themselves by waiting for more calm and happy times to talk with kids. They find that when the storm of emotion has passed over, thinking and logic have a better chance. Calm brains may actually be able to hear and understand what the adults are trying to communicate.

Best of all, kids tend to be more fun to talk to when they aren’t growling and foaming at the mouth. For plenty of practical strategies for responding to your kids when they’re foaming at the mouth, read Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless.

Dr. Charles Fay

Camp APAC Information

2011-01-13T10:00:00.008-06:00

Alabama Pre/Post Adoption Connections (APAC), a collaborative program of Children's Aid Society and Alabama DHR, would like to invite your family to be a part of our 8th Annual Camp APAC.

Check out the latest info about Camp APAC 2011 (June 21-24) including how your adopted child & siblings can apply to attend!

Adoption Tax Credit: For Families

2011-01-12T12:01:00.002-06:00

Redirection

2011-01-04T08:43:00.001-06:00

Here is a simple parenting technique that is often forgotten in the heat of the moment...Redirection! Watch this short video clip to remind yourself how effective it really can be!

Is It Adoption or Is It Life?

2011-01-03T13:20:00.002-06:00

Parents often wonder when their adopted children are having a tough time, "Is this an adoption issue? Or is it just a normal part of development?" This article addresses this common issue of adoption and tells us what we need to know to support our adopted children. Check it out here.

Being Matched With a Child

2011-01-03T11:31:00.000-06:00

This article from AdoptUSKids outlines what you need to know and what you need to do while you are waiting to be matched with a child for adoption. Check it out here!

12 Days of Christmas Preparation for Foster and Adoptive Parents

2010-12-17T10:10:00.001-06:00

Check out this article about the 12 Days of Christmas for adoptive and foster parents!

"A Home for the Holidays"

2010-12-13T12:57:00.003-06:00

According to the CBS Press Release...

THE 12TH ANNUAL A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, a new entertainment special to be broadcast Wednesday, Dec. 22 (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network, will include moving performances by Grammy Award winning singer/songwriter Melissa Etheridge, Grammy Award-winning group Maroon 5, Grammy Award-winning superstar Ricky Martin and Grammy Award-winning hip hop artist Nelly. The show will open with a performance by pop sensation Katy Perry. The hosts of "The Talk," Julie Chen, Sara Gilbert, Sharon Osbourne, Holly Robinson Peete, Leah Remini and Marissa Jaret Winokur, as well as Academy Award and Golden Globe Award winning actress Mira Sorvino ("Mighty Aphrodite") will be among the talent set to present.

Following the success of the past 11 annual shows, the special continues to tell touching stories about foster care adoption to raise awareness for this important social issue. The inspirational stories of these American families are enhanced by performances by some of today's most popular artists.

The musical performances frame several pre-taped story segments which are presented by celebrities who either have their own adoption experiences or are involved with children's issues. The stories highlight many exceptional American children and families involved in this rewarding process.

• Jimmy Wayne (Nashville, TN)
Country music artist Jimmy Wayne knows first hand about living in foster care. Wayne was abandoned at a bus station when he was 13 years old and shuffled through 12 schools and more than eight foster placements before he met Russell and Bea Costner, a couple in their 70s who opened their home and hearts to him. "I was 16 years old and that family changed my whole life, every cell in my body. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them." Wayne graduated from college and soon signed his

Today, giving back is a key part of Wayne's life. Earlier this year, he launched his MEET ME HALFWAY project with his seven-month walk halfway across America to raise awareness.

• Anderson Family (Los Angeles)
Marsha and Corey Anderson were married 11 years and had three children when they began talking about adding to their family through adoption. Initially, Corey was hesitant, but had a change of heart after watching "A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS." "The show took away my fears, and I was fully committed from that moment forward," says Corey. Featured on the show last December were foster children 6-year-old Ashley and her 4-year-old brother Jacob, who were waiting to be adopted. "We thought we would adopt one child, but when we saw Ashley and Jacob, we knew they would fit perfectly into our family," says Marsha.

• Cates Family (Los Angeles)
In 2001, Arthur and Mary Cates met 7-year-old Darnell at an adoption fair. In foster care since birth, Darnell had less than a 30 percent chance of ever being adopted. "When I saw Darnell in the play area all by himself, I saw in his eyes a sad little boy that needed to be loved," says Mary. Now 16, Darnell is a confident young man who is gifted in the arts. "I've experienced a new world full of hope and have overcome that sadness. It feels like I've been with my parents my whole life," says Darnell. The Cates decided to adopt again in 2007 when they met foster children Sierra and Phillip at an adoption event.

• Carter Family (Missouri)
SWAT team paramedic Kasha Carter knew the plight of children living with neglect and abuse. "After we made entry into a home I often watched the children until Social Services came to place them in foster care. It really tugged on my heartstrings and I wanted to raise one of those children as my own," says Kasha. In 2001, single at the time, Kasha adopted a young foster child named Austin. "When I was first taken from my home I was just devastated. But then I met my mom and I was so happy because I knew I really mattered to her," says Austin. Five years later, Kasha met fellow paramedic Aaron Carter and they soon married. "I knew right away that Kasha was special. She had a big enough heart to take in a child," says Aaron. Today, Austin has made the honor roll and is the proud big brother to their 4-year-old son, Hunter.

• Children Waiting
There are over one half million children currently in foster care in the United States, 114,000 waiting to be adopted. This segment gives voice to these children by creating an intimate portrait of youth who need permanent loving homes.

The special is presented in association with the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the Children's Action Network. Wendy's International founder Dave Thomas, who was adopted, established the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption in 1992. It is dedicated to dramatically increasing the adoptions of the more than 114,000 waiting children in the United States foster care system. Wendy's is a program sponsor.

The Children's Action Network was founded in 1990 by leaders in the entertainment industry to harness the power of the entertainment media on behalf of children. The special is a part of CAN's National Adoption Campaign to raise awareness of the joys of adopting and to find homes for the children who are waiting.

New APAC Counseling Newsletter!

2010-12-03T12:29:00.003-06:00

Check out our new APAC Counseling Newsletter, The Journey!

Tis' The Season

2010-12-02T11:02:00.002-06:00

Holidays can be difficult for adoptive and foster families for a variety of reasons. One challenge, specific to multicultural families, is trying to figure out how to incorporate different cultures in their celebrations. This article discusses how adoptive families can celebrate traditions from a variety of cultures and gives tips for planning your celebrations this holiday season. Check it out here.

And the winner is...

2010-11-30T13:34:00.002-06:00

The winner of our "National Adoption Month" giveaway is...Ernestine Young!!

Ernestine says, "The best thing about being an adoptive parent is that every day I learn something new about our son. The process is totally different from bio children. Every day is an adventure and exciting because I really don't know what is going to come out. Some days it is totally crazy but I learned to bend and change beyond what I thought I was capable. If everyone could adopt a child, the world would be a better place."

Ernestine, please email me at lwilliams@childrensaid.org to claim your $25 Outback gift certificate!!

Keep checking back for more drawings in the future...

**Winner was chosen by assigning numbers to each entry, in order of entry and choosing a random number with Randomizer.**

Ten Myths and Realities of Sibling Adoption

2010-11-29T13:57:00.001-06:00

AdoptUsKids recently issued a resource that reviews ten myths and realities of adopting siblings and provides resources on each topic. Check it out here.

30 Ways to Celebrate National Adoption Month

2010-11-08T11:25:00.001-06:00

Check out the calendar on the Adoptive Families website to find ways that YOU can celebrate National Adoption Month!

iFoster Member Discount Program

2010-11-03T11:51:00.000-05:00

iFoster Member Discount Program
Program to help raise children in foster care. This program can save the average household over $4,500* a year with discounts at national and local retailers, grocery stores, healthcare providers (dental & vision), restaurants, movie theatres and attractions. They've brought the benefits program used by Fortune 500 companies such as Oracle, US Bank, Virgin, The Walt Disney Company, and even the US Army to the foster care community. Transition age foster youth (16-21), Families (foster, resource, kin, guardian, adoptive) and Organizations (e.g. group home, transitional housing, CASA) supporting children in foster care are eligible to become members for free.

They have over 100,000 discounts now with new discounts constantly being added.

Get more information and sign up at http://ifoster.org

Promoted by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

Is Your Child Being Bullied?

2010-11-01T16:21:00.001-05:00

"As we all know too well, name–calling, cruel taunts, cyberbullying and physical bullying happen every day to kids across the country. When your child is being bullied, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else—all you want to do is make it stop immediately. Janet Lehman, MSW explains what you can do to help your child—and what could hurt them in the long run." Check out the article here.

Happy National Adoption Month!!

2010-11-01T15:56:00.003-05:00

November is National Adoption Month!! APAC would like to thank each and every adoptive parent in Alabama for being YOU! To show our appreciation, we would like to have our first giveaway on The Adoption Place. To participate, leave a comment telling us your favorite part of being an adoptive parent and you will be entered into a drawing for a $25 Outback Steakhouse gift certificate! We will reveal the winner on November 30th, so keep checking back!

Thanks again for all you do as adoptive parents!!

**Only Alabama adoptive parents are eligible to win the giveaway.**

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #8

2010-10-28T10:35:00.001-05:00

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#8. Love is the ribbon that ties patience, empathy, acceptance, compassion, encouragement, forgiveness, and understanding all together.

Love is not a feeling - it is an action.

Love does not just occur or present itself - it takes effort.

Love is not a noun - it is a verb!

Your child will not just feel loved because you say you love him.

He must feel it through your actions.

This may take the form of a hug, a smile, or a kiss; but it takes some action before love can be experienced.

It will do your child no good to talk about how much you love him if he does not experience your love through your actions.

All else pales in comparison to a child feeling loved.

Children need this love above anything else.

The practice of love is difficult.

The process of expressing love is displayed through the actions of showing patience, connecting in empathy, providing acceptance, approaching with compassion, offering encouragement, showering with forgiveness, and seeking to truly understand your child.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

Keeping The Promise: The Critical Need for Post-Adoption Services to Enable Children and Families to Succeed

2010-10-27T16:20:00.000-05:00

Alabama is one of the few states that provide adoption support!

http://click.icptrack.com/icp/relay.php?r=22665321&msgid=477752&act=U6ZJ&c=140168&destination=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.adoptioninstitute.org%2Fresearch%2F2010_10_promises.php

Expanded Adoption Credit

2010-10-26T08:52:00.001-05:00

IRS Offers Guidance on Expanded Adoption Credit

Washington, D.C. (September 29, 2010)
By WebCPA Staff

The Internal Revenue Service has released guidance on the expanded adoption credit that is available for tax year 2010 as a result of the Affordable Care Act, along with a draft version of the form that taxpayers will use to claim it.

The Affordable Care Act raises the maximum adoption credit to $13,170 per child, up from $12,150 in 2009. It also makes the credit refundable, meaning that eligible taxpayers can get it even if they owe no tax for that year. In general, the credit is based on the reasonable and necessary expenses related to a legal adoption, including adoption fees, court costs, attorney’s fees and travel expenses. Income limits and other special rules apply.

In addition to filling out Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses, eligible taxpayers must include with their 2010 tax returns one or more adoption-related documents, detailed in the guidance issued today. The documentation requirements, designed to ensure that taxpayers properly claim the credit, mean that taxpayers claiming the credit will have to file paper tax returns. Normally, it takes six to eight weeks to get a refund claimed on a complete and accurate paper return where all required documents are attached. The IRS encourages taxpayers to use direct deposit to speed their refund.

Taxpayers claiming the credit will still be able to use IRS Free File to prepare their returns, but the returns must be printed out and sent to the IRS, along with all the required documentation.

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #7

2010-10-25T11:21:00.001-05:00

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#7. Understanding our children means perceiving precisely what they mean rather than assuming an ulterior motive.

It means being sympathetic toward their point of view.

Most parenting theories fail to teach parents the necessity of understanding.

This failure is not in the parents themselves, but in what they have been taught.

This teaching began with the parent's parents and their parents before them.

Along the way, in all of the confusion, some have been led even further astray by misinformed therapists who themselves had received much the same form of parenting.

This problem runs rampant in our society.

We have been directed to look outside of ourselves for solutions, but in doing so we miss the single greatest solution to almost any conflict, which is simply understanding the situation from the other person's perspective.

It is often difficult to understand the behavior of a child because we fail to understand our own reactions first.

Generally, misbehavior, if not interpreted correctly, will lead to a parental feeling of fear, which will give way to guilt or blame, and in some instances, a deeper sense of shame.

When this occurs the parent has already stepped out of range of understanding her child.

The primary key to understanding your child is in your perception of her behavior.

Parents are often so intent on believing that children are inherently disobedient, that they fail to see the true emotions driving their children's behavior.

Most often, it is not about disobedience at all.

It is the presence of fear that causes the adverse behavior.

If a parent will look beneath the behavior to the underlying fear of the child, she will be better able to approach her child with an attitude of understanding.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

The Impact of Oxytocin on Children's Behavior

2010-10-18T14:52:00.003-05:00

This is a pretty cool webinar on how the hormone Oxytocin impacts your child's behavior. I encourage you to check it out here!

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #6

2010-10-18T12:04:00.001-05:00

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#6 Forgiveness of self forms the foundation for love and forgiveness of others.

In my work with families I encounter all of the time parents who have experienced deep pain during childhood at the hands of their own parents, and the first thing they generally say is, "Oh I have forgiven my parents."

Without a doubt when I hear this question I sense deeply within myself an individual who has not fully embraced the understanding of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a process of self-awareness and self-acceptance, which allows us to see our actions both positive and negative and take responsibility for them as opposed to feeling blamed, which leads to guilt.

In other words, it is the human condition to blame ourselves for all things negative.

Regrettably this takes the place in the form of shaming, and denial of ones feelings, and a building up of a sense of ones lack of worth.

The abused child comes to believe that they are the reason for the abuse.

If only they could behave better.

The abused child as an adult comes to deny the feeling of not being good enough and reinforces this negative self-picture with a misconception of forgiving her parents.

In fact, this only fosters her sense of shame and denial.

Rather, the adult must come to the deeply emotional awakening that she must forgive herself for the years spent devaluing, blaming, and shaming her beautiful self.

Until we can forgive ourselves we cannot forgive others fully.

All else becomes face value, simply surface.

For parents in their interaction with their own children it is essential to see their own inherent parental shortcomings.

We must strive to do the best that we can but also realize we will make mistakes as our parents also made mistakes.

When the mistakes occur, as surely they will, we must first forgive ourselves for our imperfections and then seek forgiveness from our children.

Forgiveness should also come with the promise and effort to do better next time.

As God forgives us so should we forgive ourselves and seek forgiveness from others.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #5

2010-10-08T21:53:00.001-05:00

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#5. Encouragement is an aspect of our relationship with
our children that we simply cannot do enough.

Have you ever had the experience as an adult of wanting
to do something new?

Maybe you were considering a new job or a major purchase,
but were feeling unsure.

What did you need?

What did you eventually receive?

Ultimately, when life presents us with a challenge,
the sheer magnitude of the fear we create can lead
us to fall back and not make an effort.

For children, this experience happens daily.

Simply the effort to work on a homework assignment
alone can present an enormous degree of fear for a child.

Imagine the significance of a simple, "You can do it,
I have faith in you," for a child when facing a life obstacle.

As we encourage our children in daily life experiences
we are endowing them with a deep sense of their
ability to trust themselves in the endeavors they pursue.

As a child growing up I can recall, with the greatest sensation
of love, never an ill word spoken towards my endeavors.

From seven years of age when I wanted to start a lemonade
stand on the corner block, to an adult when I desire to build
a fortress for family healing, nothing but loving support.

Encouragement is one of the purest blessings we can ever
bestow upon our children.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy
"There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

Preparing Siblings for Adoption

2010-10-05T11:08:00.001-05:00

There is a great article today on the "Creating a Family" website. Here is an excerpt from the article. "The addition of a child changes the family dynamics for everyone and especially for the children already in the home. This is the case regardless how the new child enters the family, but adoption throws in an added wrinkle. The adopted child may not be a newborn, the child may have established habits and behaviors that complicate sibling relationships, and the child may be of a different race. Plus, there are fewer resources available to help with this transition. And let’s face it: adoption isn’t the norm, so you and your existing children often have more explaining to do." Check out the article here.

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #4

2010-09-30T09:09:00.003-05:00

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#4. Compassion is the act of feeling deeply for the life position of another individual.

Life position is defined as the stage of internal growth one has attained through experience.

For children, their life position is vastly compromised and so completely dependent upon the responses of the environment.

For example, when I took my child to Disney World for a summer vacation.

In the process of my own internal frenzy to ensure that she had the greatest time possible, I stopped for a moment to reflect upon what I was feeling and what she might be feeling.

In an instant, relief flooded my body as I realized how lost she was in the excitement of the experience, and to simply be in the experience from her life position would be an abundant experience.

I didn't have to rush all around Disney like a mad man; I could simply allow my child to experience life from her seven-year-old position.

I was able to experience deeply a sense of compassion for her youth that I had seldom felt.

To this day I continue to reflect on the essence of that moment to allow me to connect to my child on a deep and compassionate level.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #3

2010-09-23T14:32:00.002-05:00

Continuing Bryan Post's P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. components for a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

Component #3

Acceptance is the unconditional love that lies
beneath the essential lifelong commitment a parent makes
to her child.

It is vital to the child's healthy survival in the world.

This level of commitment communicates to your child,
"No matter what may happen in life, you are okay with
me, and for this reason, I accept you as you are."

When a child receives this core message, she will carry
this as a stepping-stone into all areas throughout the rest
of her life.

We all have a need to be accepted, to belong, to feel a
part, to be invited into a group with values and beliefs
that coincide with those that resonate deep within our
beings.

Whether it is a group of friends, the human race, a
community, or a family; being accepted is a means of
defining ourselves.

Many children, unfortunately, do not have this deep sense
of acceptance to fall back on during the struggles of life.

These children live with a deep belief that they are inadequate,
not accepted, and unable to be valued and loved.

The result is a life of constant self-doubt and low self-worth.

Such children grow up and become adults who try to find
their self-worth in others, always looking to others or
their work or their money for approval.

Acceptance between a parent and child is the unspoken
agreement that within their relationship that all is okay
for now and forever.

When difficult times come, as surely they will, this
child knows that she can always return to her parent
for security and acceptance.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy
"There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #2

2010-09-20T08:15:00.004-05:00

Today we are continuing with Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship. Today is Component #2!

#2 Empathy is the ability to experience and identify with the emotional state of another person.

It is important to understand that there are only two primary emotions: Love and Fear.

Often times that which looks opposite to love is stemming from fear.

Understanding the primary emotions will assist you in the process of empathy.

This ability is one of the most important aspects in a healthy relationship between a parent and child.

One of the most common misconceptions among parents is that a child displaying aggressive behavior is angry.

This shows a lack of empathy and leads the parent to respond as if he is relating to an angry child, which in turn builds up defensive barriers in the child.

Once you begin to view your child as angry and untrusting, you fail to empathize with him.

It is very difficult for you to move from a place of anger at your child if you are not able to empathize and identify with what your child is actually feeling.

Remember to work diligently to see the fear underneath
the anger.

Your own personal history and upbringing may get in the way of empathy as well.

We have all experienced various traumas of childhood.
You need to be careful to empathize with what your child is actually feeling, rather than assuming he is feeling what you felt as a child.

It is important not to react from an unconscious desire to rescue your child from the pain that you may have felt yourself as a child, or to compensate for something missing in your own interpersonal life.

The longer you live with unresolved traumas in your own life, the further down inside you bury them, and they become deeply ingrained into your unconscious drives.

The task of being empathetic becomes a two-fold experience.

One, for the parent to be aware of his own unconscious and past issues; and two, to look beyond seeing his child as angry, and to identify with the child's true feelings.

This empathetic connection will make parenting a much more mutually satisfying experience.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #1

2010-09-16T09:52:00.003-05:00

Bryan Post is one of America's foremost child behavior experts. You can find more information about him on his website. He has written a series of posts called P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship. He will be discussing the eight components that he believes are necessary for transforming the parent/child relationship. Sound interesting? Read on!

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #1

#1. Patience is a process that comes from a deep sense of calmness and well-being. It is an absolute necessity in a parent's daily interaction with her child.
As a parent, when you are stressed, the task of being patient will be infinitely more difficult than when you are calm.

In order to remain patient, you must first take into consideration your own stress that may be unconsciously driving your state of functioning.

Next, you must make a concerted effort to be aware of your child's needs at all times and consider what she may be feeling at any given moment.

And remember, you cannot be patient all of the time.

When you do fail in the area of patience you can always apologize for raising your voice or lashing out, and promise to do better the next time.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
http://www.postinstitute.com
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)
info@postinstitute.com

Respite!!!

2010-09-14T08:03:00.001-05:00

JOY FOR JOHNNY
a ministry of faith, hope and love
Second Saturday of each month.
Inaugural Night is Sat, Sep 11 from 4-8 pm

Joy for Johnny is a respite ministry for families that have children with special needs. An outreach ministry of First United Methodist Church, Joy for Johnny honors Jesus' desire that all children be welcomed and embraced as signs of the Kingdom. Kids with special needs, together with their families, receive the loving support of Christ's church through respite care.

For more information Contact
Rev. Nathan Attwood at 334-834-8990 or Susan Hunt at (334) 239-9887

joyforjohnny@gmail.com

Back to School

2010-09-02T12:56:00.002-05:00

Since it is that time of year again I figured a back to school article would be appropriate! This article discusses various issues regarding adoption and the schools. For example, should you tell the school that your child is adopted? And how do you prepare your child to answer difficult questions? Check it out here.

Improved and Extended Adoption Tax Credit Helps Defray Adoption Costs

2010-08-25T13:55:00.000-05:00

Improved and Extended Adoption Tax Credit Helps Defray Adoption Costs

10 Quick Tips for Back to School Success, by Bryan Post

2010-08-06T13:08:00.002-05:00

It’s time for another year of school to begin. No doubt both parents and children are feeling anxious. Parents are anxiously pulling out the last hairs on their heads wishing that bell would have rang last week, and children are anxiously pining away for every last minute of uninterrupted cartoons knowing surely the bell is going to ring soon!

The following are some quick tips comprised for both parents and teachers that will help kick the new school year off on a positive note.

Parents:

1.Back to Bed. This one tip is probably one of the most important. Due to a summer of little structure most children’s natural sleep rhythms are out of sync. Begin at least a week ahead of time getting your child back into the school week sleep routine. By the time school finally starts they’ll be well rested and slipping back into a natural pattern.
2.High protein, Low Carbs. Research has finally revealed that a diet high in proteins (meats, eggs, cheese, nuts, etc.) and low in simple carbs (refined sugars, cereals, pop tarts, fruit drinks, etc.) can help improve a child’s ability to focus and learn more effectively. Summer is often a time of free grazing in the kitchen. Quickly start doing away with the summer stand by snacks, and replacing them with energy and power foods.
3.Decreasing Television. As important as the bedtime routine is the reduction of television. A national study revealed that on average children watch five hours of television a day. Imagine how much that increases during the summer. Television is overwhelming to the brain system of a child, leading to hyperactivity and defiance. Now is a great time to start cutting the television time in half and encouraging your child to pick up a book.
4.Familiarity with Environment. For some children this will be their first time at school, and for others this will be their first time in a new school. It can be very beneficial to take your child to the school and allow them to see it, walk down the halls, perhaps even meet their new teacher. This will create an opportunity for familiarity that will help your child feel more calm and safe when the first bell finally rings.
5.Talk to your Child. Take the days leading up to school to sit down and talk to your child about any fears he or she may be feeling with the new school year approaching. Going into a new grade can be quite intimidating. Let your child know that you will support him and love him no matter what, and you are sure that he will do his very best. Most of all, just listen to what his feelings may be as the big day approaches.

Teachers:
6.Verbalizing Expectations. A particularly powerful opening exercise with new students is asking them their expectations of you as the teacher. Write these down on the board. Following that inform them of your expectations for them. After discussion and agreement, write them in a place where the children can review them from time to time. When things aren’t going so good refer them back to their expectations of you, and yours of them. This will set a tone of openness and trust early in the formation of your new relationship.
7.Get a Heads Up on the Child with Special Needs. All teachers want to give each child a clean slate to start with during the new school year, however a slate absent of a child’s needs is not necessarily beneficial. If you have a child in your classroom that had problems last year, converse with the past teacher and ask her or him what worked with the child and what did not. Help this child begin their year on a positive note by sitting them on the front row, making them the new assistant, and being the lunch line leader (which is code for keeping him next to you!). Remember, you are not punishing the child, but rather creating an environment for success!
8.The Importance of Touch. The simple gesture of a handshake or a pat on the shoulder during a hello is enough to help an anxious child feel safe and secure in a new environment. Unfortunately the use of touch has become a lost ingredient in the relationship between teachers and students, yet we fail to realize for some children the touch they receive from you may be the only positive touch they’ve had all summer. Don’t be afraid to say hello, smile, and touch the child on the shoulder, or hold their hand for a moment longer than normal. This small interaction can go a long way in building trust and security.
9.Quiet Time. Because of the hectic and unstructured schedules of most children during the summer, when they arrive into your classroom they’ll be wound as tight as grandma’s clock. After each major transition time such as early morning playground time to first class, transition from one class to the next, or following lunch and recess, take three minutes to turn the lights off, play a classical song, and encourage the children to breathe and slowly calm down. Not only are such techniques proven effective for children with ADHD, they are effective for all children following a transition.
10.Be Patient with You. It is critically important to remember that even though you’ve been doing this for years, or perhaps maybe this is your first year, you too are going to be forming new relationships. This naturally causes some initial anxiety. Take some deep breaths before your students come into the classroom, and remind yourself that you are the best teacher they could possibly have. Be patient with yourself first, and this will allow you to be patient with your students when they need it the most.
Have a Great Year!

Bryan Post is an internationally recognized expert in the treatment of children with behavior problems. He has consulted with families and schools throughout the United States, Canada, and Australia

Say Yes!

2010-08-03T13:42:00.001-05:00

ParenTalk

2010-07-19T13:12:00.003-05:00

ParenTalk is a great newsletter put out by the Alabama Department of Children's Affairs. This month's newsletter covers topics from "101 Ways to Praise a Child", how to determine if your child is ready for kindergarten, guidelines on leaving children at home alone, ideas to cure the summertime blues, to the top 10 kids' health issues to be aware of in 2010. To sign-up for this newsletter visit this website.

Camp APAC 2010

2010-07-08T08:50:00.009-05:00

Camp APAC is our annual camp for adopted children and their siblings, ages 8-18 in the state of Alabama. We had 103 campers this year and had a blast!! Here is some of the fun we had...

If you are interested in your children attending Camp APAC 2011 make sure you are on our mailing list and be looking in your mail the beginning of 2011 for more information!! We hope to see you at Camp APAC 2011!

Summer Activities

2010-07-07T11:07:00.001-05:00

"Research shows that all children experience some loss of learning when they do not take part in summer learning activities, according to the National Summer Learning Institute. The PTA, one of United Way’s national partners, has created the Urban Family Engagement Initiative Summer of Learning Toolkit. The toolkit features a calendar with quick ideas for almost every day of the week and runs through August with dozens of summer activities for children." Check it out here!

Finding Birth Family Online

2010-07-06T14:29:00.000-05:00

Got a Web-savvy teen on your hands? Here’s how to set safety guidelines and step in if she searches for—or is found by—birth family.
By Rita Taddonio, LCSW

Fourteen-year-old Amy was on the computer, when she called out, “Hey, Mom! Come look!” As her mom approached the screen, the image smiling back at her looked oddly familiar. “I think I just Googled my birth family!” said Amy.
Noah, a 16-year-old Korean adoptee, had his parents’ support and permission to begin a birthparent search. He had just contacted his adoption agency when his birthfather reached out to him—through Facebook.

In our high-speed world, stories like these are becoming commonplace. You should begin a conversation about Internet safety and privacy as soon as your child becomes computer-literate. Establish general rules, such as “Keep Facebook open only to friends” and “Never give your address or phone number out on the Internet.”

But even as our children learn these basic rules, we have the added complexity of teaching them about searching for, and being searched for by, birth families. We can no longer assume that we are the sole gatekeepers of information.

Online…and Off
Your teen’s emotional development is probably not on a par with her technical abilities. Children may search for birth family just to see what they find, without considering the complexity of opening up an adoption. Finding someone online means having to deal with a real person, who may or may not think, act, or respond as you would like.

Christopher, a 13-year-old, was found by an older birth sibling, and they arranged to meet. At the last minute, he told his mother. She contacted the sibling and explained that she supported her son’s interest in meeting his birth family, but that she wanted to be involved, since he was still a teen. The mother accompanied her son, and all three enjoyed the visit.

Julie, a 15-year-old, found her birthmother on Facebook and began writing to her. Her birthmom felt overwhelmed and pulled back. Julie’s parents didn’t know this had happened until her grades and behavior began to deteriorate. They had a heart-to-heart, and Julie agreed to see a counselor trained in adoption, to sort out her feelings and make a realistic plan for future contact.

By opening a dialogue, you can ensure that there are no divided loyalties or secrets around relationships with birth family members who might be found. If you sanction an online search, support your child by asking about her hopes for the relationship.

You might say, “You said that you want to find your birthmother. What would you like to tell her or ask her? I’ve read about other people who searched for their birth families, and birthparents are not always ready to have contact. How would you feel if that happens?”

Just as you prepare your child to answer questions about adoption from other children, so you need to prepare him to handle interactions that might arise online.

RITA TADDONIO, LCSW, is the director of the Adoption Resource Center at Spence-Chapin, in New York City.

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Search Support

Parents of teens expressing interest in finding birth family should follow three guidelines:

1. Keep a dialogue open. You should talk with your child about his birth family from the day he joins your family. Not every day, of course, but to share information at a developmentally appropriate level when there is an opportunity.

2. Respect everyone's privacy. An adopted child (or an adoptive parent) may locate a birthmother on Facebook, but find that she’s not ready to open up her world to him or her. Perhaps her family doesn’t know that she relinquished a child. Conversely, if the birth family reaches out, adoptive parents have the right to establish boundaries until everyone gets to know one another.

3. Give the relationship time. Both adoptive parents and birthparents should try to get to know each other as individuals. Exchange e-mails or letters and calls until everyone is comfortable enough to meet.

Trauma and Video Games

2010-06-28T09:03:00.001-05:00

This is a very interesting interview on the Beyond Consequences website.

"This discussion with Dr. Robert Scaer and Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, centers on the connection of childhood trauma and the addictive nature of video games. Dr. Scaer discusses how trauma, at an unconscious level, can heighten a child's arousal system, creating the child's need to seek extreme excitement and pleasure. Video games meet this need and give children that "rush" their bodies are craving." Check it out here.

Individual Educational Plan (IEP)

2010-06-03T10:51:00.002-05:00

The Beyond Consequences Institute has an audio discussion on their website to help you learn more about a child's eligibility for an IEP, how to prepare for an IEP meeting, and what additional resources you may need to bring to the table when attending an IEP meeting. Check it out here.

"Please Hear What I Am Not Saying"

2010-05-18T16:10:00.002-05:00

This is a poem about the mask that so many children from foster care wear and how parents must read between the lines in order to break through that mask. Check it out here!

May is National Foster Care Month

2010-05-03T15:08:00.002-05:00

There are currently 463,000 American children and youth in foster care. THANK YOU to all of the foster parents in Alabama, and all over the US, who provide these children with loving homes! Check out this website to see what YOU can do this month to help these children!!

Lying

2010-04-27T16:12:00.002-05:00

Lying is a common issue with all children, but it can be especially challenging with children who have been abused, neglected, spent time in foster care, etc. It is difficult for parents to figure out why the child is lying and how to respond appropriately! This is a great handout that talks about the different kinds of lying and what you can do. Check it out here.

In Response to Failed Russian Adoption...

2010-04-26T08:58:00.003-05:00

Below you will find a letter to the editor that our Program Director, Deb Finley, wrote in response to the recent failed Russian adoption we have been hearing so much about on the news.

"I am prompted to write after observing the recent saga of the failed adoption of a 7 year old Russian child. Regardless of who is responsible for what, it is clear that the adoptive family was unprepared and overwhelmed by the emotional and behavioral needs of this young soul. In the world of foster care and adoption, the “honeymoon phase” is how we refer to the initial post placement time of a child into a new home. The child begins to feel “safe” enough to express feelings and behaviors. This can indeed be a challenging time for the child and family. Timely post placement support services by adoption professionals can be a critical factor in helping the child and family work through intense feelings and behaviors. Alabama is blessed to have what I consider an exceptional post adoption support program formed through a cooperative effort of Children’s Aid Society (a non-profit) and the Alabama Department of Human Resources. Adoptive Family Counseling and Adoptive Family Support Groups (separate adult and child groups) are two of the many services that are free to Alabama adoptive families. Yes, adoption disruptions still occur in Alabama. But thanks to Alabama’s response to challenges that adoptive families may encounter, the transition of a child into a new and unfamiliar home can be met with greater understanding, support, and capacity. Please spread the word to Alabama adoptive families."

Debra Hawk Finley, LCSW
Program Director of Alabama Pre/Post Adoption Connections
Children’s Aid Society

More on the Adoption Tax Credit

2010-04-26T08:40:00.002-05:00

Here is a great document that explains a little bit more about the Adoption Tax Credit. Click here.

April in National Child Abuse Prevention Month

2010-04-22T09:43:00.002-05:00

National Child Abuse Prevention Month is a time to raise awareness about child abuse and neglect and to encourage individuals and communities to support children and families. Check out this website to find out what YOU can do!

Different Trips to the Same Place

2010-04-19T08:46:00.000-05:00

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place. You've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you: You'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait - and wait - and wait.

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax, you'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By boat!" you say, "going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money, I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It's a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many fiends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible: traveling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you got there, but in the place itself.

credit: adoption.com

2007 Survey of Adoptive Parents

2010-04-06T15:54:00.002-05:00

I came across this article today and it is VERY lengthy but has some great information in there! Check it out for general information about adoption, adoption statistics, information on the health, cognitive and physical development of adopted children, adoption satisfaction - pretty much anything adoption related!! Check it out here!

Adoption Tax Credit

2010-03-26T12:59:00.001-05:00

Excerpt from Adoption Learning Partners...

Good news for adoptive families from the health care bill just signed into law March, 2010. Included in the bill were favorable changes to the Adoption Tax Credit. Our partners at Joint Council for International Children's Services summarize the changes as follows:

• The maximum credit was increased from $12,150 to $13,170
• The credit is extended through December, 2011.
• The credit was made refundable. If a family has no tax liability, the IRS will refund the amount due.
Read the bill's text yourself click here. (The Adoption Tax Credit is mentioned on page 903 of the 906 page bill.)

Helping Older Children Adjust

2010-03-23T10:20:00.002-05:00

This brief question and answer article talks about how to help older children adjust to your home. It briefly discusses their anxieties and fears and ideas on how to work through these fears to develop trust. Check it out here!

The Myth of Love at First Sight

2010-03-11T17:03:00.003-06:00

Here is an article entitled "The Myth of Love at First Sight". It is about the feelings of depression that a lot of adoptive parents go through after the child is placed in their home. It is something that is not talked about a lot but very real. Check it out here.

Adoptive Family Egg Hunt

2010-03-10T15:32:00.002-06:00

We invite our adoptive families to have a hopping good time at our 3rd annual Easter Egg Hunt (Montgomery and surrounding areas) March 27th at Buddy Watson Park from 10-11:30. If you are interested in attending please contact the APAC office at 334-409-9477 by March 22nd to RSVP.

Discipline: With an Adoption Twist

2010-03-02T08:47:00.002-06:00

Here's a great article on discipling children who have been adopted. Children who have been in foster care, who have been in orphanages, who have been abused and neglected have unique needs when being discipled. Typical methods that parents use are not always effective. This article talks about what actually works for our children. Check it out here! The APAC library has many of the books that the article recommends - just let us know if you are interested in checking them out!

Beyond Placement: Family Adjustment to Foster Care Adoption

2010-02-24T12:38:00.002-06:00

THE CENTER FOR ADOPTION SUPPORT AND EDUCATION - C.A.S.E. WEBINAR!

ONLINE WORKSHOP FOR PRE AND POST ADOPTIVE PARENTS!

After an adoption is finalized, it is not uncommon for both adoptive parents and their children to experience a period of adjustment as they transition to the changes that occur with finalization: the absence of previously ever-present professionals, changes in the schedule of birth family visitation, changes in family dynamics, etc. Families may experience challenges around their child's reworking issues related to loss and grief of birth family ties. Some families may struggle with how to fulfill the obligations of their open adoption agreement. This webinar will help parents understand and successfully navigate through these concerns.

Online Registration is now open!
Beyond Placement: Family Adjustment to Foster Care Adoption
Thursday, March 11th, 2010
9:00p.m - 10:30p.m. (Eastern Standard Time)
Fee: $25

To register for this training click here.

How trauma affects a child's development

2010-02-22T15:58:00.003-06:00

This is an excellent interview with the co-author of "The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog: What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love and Healing". In this interview, Bruce Perry talks about a variety of topics regarding children who have experienced trauma. You can listen to the interview here.

The Stages of Waiting

2010-02-15T12:11:00.002-06:00

Here is an article from an adoptive parent about the waiting process that is involved with adoption. Whether you are adopting domestically, internationally, privately...there is still WAITING! Here is one parent's journey through the roller coaster emotions involved in this wait. Check it out here.

Adoption Orientation in Dothan

2010-02-09T11:47:00.004-06:00

You can change the life of an Alabama child!!!
This orientation is for those of you who would like to gain more information regarding adoption and also for those of you who are ready to begin the process. You are welcome to stay afterwards and ask specific questions and take a look at pictures/biographies of some of the Alabama children who are free for adoption and currently awaiting forever families.

Open your heart & home

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You are cordially invited to the
Adoption Orientation

Monday, March 8, 2010
Ridgecrest Baptist Church
Recreation Fitness Center
1231 Fortner Street, Dothan, AL
6:00pm-8:00pm

Contact Lisa Williams at 334-673-0008 or lwilliams@casapac.org for more information.
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Currently, there are more than 300 children in foster care in Alabama who are awaiting a loving and caring adoptive home. Many have never felt the warmth and joy that comes from a forever family. Most have been placed in agency custody due to parental neglect or physical abuse. The good news is that the lives of these children can be brightened forever by just one person - YOU!

APAC is a collaborative effort between Children’s Aid Society and the Department of Human Resources to provide education and support to Alabama's adoptive families.

Reassuring Our Children

2010-02-08T10:59:00.002-06:00

Current events can trigger hidden fears and emotions that young adoptees have about birthparents or their place in their family. If your child seems worried and confused about current events, or even if she hasn't yet expressed concern, this article discusses ways that parents can help their children regain a sense of security. Check it out here.