September 30, 2010

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #4

Continuing Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

#4. Compassion is the act of feeling deeply for the life position of another individual.

Life position is defined as the stage of internal growth one has attained through experience.

For children, their life position is vastly compromised and so completely dependent upon the responses of the environment.

For example, when I took my child to Disney World for a summer vacation.

In the process of my own internal frenzy to ensure that she had the greatest time possible, I stopped for a moment to reflect upon what I was feeling and what she might be feeling.

In an instant, relief flooded my body as I realized how lost she was in the excitement of the experience, and to simply be in the experience from her life position would be an abundant experience.

I didn't have to rush all around Disney like a mad man; I could simply allow my child to experience life from her seven-year-old position.

I was able to experience deeply a sense of compassion for her youth that I had seldom felt.

To this day I continue to reflect on the essence of that moment to allow me to connect to my child on a deep and compassionate level.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)

September 23, 2010

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #3

Continuing Bryan Post's P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. components for a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship...

Component #3

Acceptance is the unconditional love that lies
beneath the essential lifelong commitment a parent makes
to her child.

It is vital to the child's healthy survival in the world.

This level of commitment communicates to your child,
"No matter what may happen in life, you are okay with
me, and for this reason, I accept you as you are."

When a child receives this core message, she will carry
this as a stepping-stone into all areas throughout the rest
of her life.

We all have a need to be accepted, to belong, to feel a
part, to be invited into a group with values and beliefs
that coincide with those that resonate deep within our

Whether it is a group of friends, the human race, a
community, or a family; being accepted is a means of
defining ourselves.

Many children, unfortunately, do not have this deep sense
of acceptance to fall back on during the struggles of life.

These children live with a deep belief that they are inadequate,
not accepted, and unable to be valued and loved.

The result is a life of constant self-doubt and low self-worth.

Such children grow up and become adults who try to find
their self-worth in others, always looking to others or
their work or their money for approval.

Acceptance between a parent and child is the unspoken
agreement that within their relationship that all is okay
for now and forever.

When difficult times come, as surely they will, this
child knows that she can always return to her parent
for security and acceptance.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy
"There is help, There is hope."
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)

September 20, 2010

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #2

Today we are continuing with Bryan Post's Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship. Today is Component #2!

#2 Empathy is the ability to experience and identify with the emotional state of another person.

It is important to understand that there are only two primary emotions: Love and Fear.

Often times that which looks opposite to love is stemming from fear.

Understanding the primary emotions will assist you in the process of empathy.

This ability is one of the most important aspects in a healthy relationship between a parent and child.

One of the most common misconceptions among parents is that a child displaying aggressive behavior is angry.

This shows a lack of empathy and leads the parent to respond as if he is relating to an angry child, which in turn builds up defensive barriers in the child.

Once you begin to view your child as angry and untrusting, you fail to empathize with him.

It is very difficult for you to move from a place of anger at your child if you are not able to empathize and identify with what your child is actually feeling.

Remember to work diligently to see the fear underneath
the anger.

Your own personal history and upbringing may get in the way of empathy as well.

We have all experienced various traumas of childhood.
You need to be careful to empathize with what your child is actually feeling, rather than assuming he is feeling what you felt as a child.

It is important not to react from an unconscious desire to rescue your child from the pain that you may have felt yourself as a child, or to compensate for something missing in your own interpersonal life.

The longer you live with unresolved traumas in your own life, the further down inside you bury them, and they become deeply ingrained into your unconscious drives.

The task of being empathetic becomes a two-fold experience.

One, for the parent to be aware of his own unconscious and past issues; and two, to look beyond seeing his child as angry, and to identify with the child's true feelings.

This empathetic connection will make parenting a much more mutually satisfying experience.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)

September 16, 2010

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #1

Bryan Post is one of America's foremost child behavior experts. You can find more information about him on his website. He has written a series of posts called P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Eight Components of a Peaceful Parent/Child Relationship. He will be discussing the eight components that he believes are necessary for transforming the parent/child relationship. Sound interesting? Read on!

P.E.A.C.E.F.U.L. Component #1

#1. Patience is a process that comes from a deep sense of calmness and well-being. It is an absolute necessity in a parent's daily interaction with her child.
As a parent, when you are stressed, the task of being patient will be infinitely more difficult than when you are calm.

In order to remain patient, you must first take into consideration your own stress that may be unconsciously driving your state of functioning.

Next, you must make a concerted effort to be aware of your child's needs at all times and consider what she may be feeling at any given moment.

And remember, you cannot be patient all of the time.

When you do fail in the area of patience you can always apologize for raising your voice or lashing out, and promise to do better the next time.

Bryan Post
Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy "There is help, There is hope."
Office: 866-848-POST (7678)

September 14, 2010


a ministry of faith, hope and love
Second Saturday of each month.
Inaugural Night is Sat, Sep 11 from 4-8 pm

Joy for Johnny is a respite ministry for families that have children with special needs. An outreach ministry of First United Methodist Church, Joy for Johnny honors Jesus' desire that all children be welcomed and embraced as signs of the Kingdom. Kids with special needs, together with their families, receive the loving support of Christ's church through respite care.

For more information Contact
Rev. Nathan Attwood at 334-834-8990 or Susan Hunt at (334) 239-9887

September 2, 2010

Back to School

Since it is that time of year again I figured a back to school article would be appropriate! This article discusses various issues regarding adoption and the schools. For example, should you tell the school that your child is adopted? And how do you prepare your child to answer difficult questions? Check it out here.